Ragged Christmas Crackers

by The Ragged Flags

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1.
Wrap up tight it's that time of year Give us a smile for your Christmas cheer Heading home for a week or more Family fighting 'fore you're in the door Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Granddad's hanging round the locked sweet jar Grandma's left in the back of the car Mum is fussing round the cold turkey Dad is waiting for the old Queen's speech Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Sister arguing with her boyfriend Bond film on the telly again Mum makes brother do the washing up Dad has gone upstairs to sleep it off Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out Wrap up tight it's that time of year Give us a smile for your Christmas cheer Heading home for a week or more Family fighting but they're still yours Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out (Come on over) Christmas at my house Turkey's too dry but the booze won't run out (Come on over)
2.
Now the nights are all early, the cold's drawing in Wake or leave work and it's dark once again You long for the Summer that's lost round the bend But Christmas is my time of year Yeah Christmas is my time of year Now I'm not religious and I don't believe I don't know the significance of the tree But I'm all aglow like the lights in the street 'Cause Christmas is my time of year Yeah Christmas is my time of year Now when I was younger I worked in a shop The same Christmas songs on a loop that won't stop They'll drive you insane while shoppers run amok But Christmas is my time of year Yeah Christmas is my time of year It's time for your family and time for your friends The ones that you love and the ones you depend On keeping you warm 'til the Spring comes again That's why Christmas is my time of year That's why Christmas is my time of year That's why Christmas is my time of year That's why Christmas is my time of year
3.
This office party's really underway Here all the drinks are flowing, see all the people sway A long hard year ticked off the calendar Signals the time to sit on the photocopier I see you watching me across the room You've got that look about you, I know that pretty soon You'll sidle up to me and then you'll say "Come on it's Christmas baby, let's both just slip away" But don't meet me under the mistletoe If I'd've wanted you then by now I'd've let you know Don't lie to me or make me promises I know it happened once but it can't happen again Now tongues are loose and inhibitions free Everybody's racking up their regrets for January The boss is overhearing things obscene There's wine on the phones and beer in the fax machine But don't meet me under the mistletoe If I'd've wanted you then by now I'd've let you know Don't lie to me or make me promises I know it happened once but it can't happen again I know we kissed that time On the spring team building exercise But we have to leave those passions in the past From working grind we flee But that cupboard's meant for the stationery We both know these office romances don't last But don't meet me under the mistletoe If I'd've wanted you then by now I'd've let you know Don't lie to me or make me promises I know it happened once but it can't happen again Don't meet me under the mistletoe If I'd've wanted you then by now I'd've let you know Don't lie to me or make me promises I know it happened once but it won't happen again I know it happened once but it won't happen again I know it happened once but it won't happen again
4.
Where would you like to be on your Christmas Day? Look outside through the rain at the city grey Maybe we'll, just for once, up and fly away Heading south to the sun where the dolphins play Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree Feel the sun, feel the sand in between your toes Now there's too many people and too few clothes Not a cloud in the sky, just the song of birds So we'll dance 'til the dark in the rolling surf Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree Fly away, maybe we'll fly away Maybe we'll fly away for Christmas Day But it feels a bit strange to be frank with you 'Stead of turkey and sprouts eating barbecue And they still use the same iconography Ads with Santa and snow play in boiling heat Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree Now there's crackers and there's maracas As we party on the beach Drink coladas under the palm leaves Lit up like a Christmas tree
5.
Now Christmas Day is dawning and It’s time to open up your gifts But the things that you’re receiving Could you give them any shorter shrift? ‘Cause I wrapped up all my love and left it right at your feet But to my amazement you then asked to see the receipt And you disregarded effort un-benevolently Oh I never dreamed the thing you’d be returning was me I got the re (re) regifting blues I got the re (re) regifting blues You didn’t use to seem ungrateful Though your friends would tell me all the time How they would buy you special presents And just watch you pass them down the line All the thoughtless things you bought me which I took with a smile All the jokey Christmas jumpers that were totally vile All the times I choked back all my disappointment and grief It’s not the thought that counts it’s you that wants to count the money I got the re (re) regifting blues I got the re (re) regifting blues Now Christmas Day is dawning and It’s time to open up the door I’ll be walking out for Christmas And you won’t be seeing me no more ‘Cause the warranty’s expired on the love in your heart But I guarantee tomorrow is a brand new start And I’m sure you’ll find someone to boost your sense of yourself But for my part baby I’ll just put you back on the shelf I got the re (re) regifting blues I got the re (re) regifting blues, oh boy I’m telling you I got the re (re) regifting blues I got the re (re) regifting blues
6.
03:36
You know I don’t like socks And I don’t want socks for Christmas But for some reason you buy them every year When I come down to the tree And I see the shapes before me I can tell right from the feel just what this present is Socks! Socks again! It’s socks! Socks again! You know it sucks — it sucks my friend To get socks! Socks again! Socks again! Why would you buy me this? Have I contrived to offend you? Did I screw up somewhere on the way this year? I remembered your birthday And I nailed our anniversary So why at Christmas are you punishing me with Socks! Socks again! No, socks! Socks again! You know it sucks — it sucks my friend To get socks! Socks again! Socks again! But now I think of it I don’t ever buy my own socks They somehow just appear there in the drawer It’s the little things that count It’s the way I know you love me And how every year together you give more Socks! Socks again! It’s socks! Socks again! You know it sucks — it sucks my friend To get socks! Socks again! Socks again!
7.
It’s my birthday at Christmas but my name’s not Jesus It’s my birthday at Christmas but my name is Dave You could say that I’m a trier but I’m not the new Messiah It’s my birthday at Christmas once again Many years ago one Christmas morning For all humanity a new era dawning There was a baby born so extraordinary For avoidance of confusion I am talking about me! But every year I get the same old story No one available for my birthday party Everyone’s busy with their Christmas plans If I start my own religion maybe they will turn up then As birthdays go, Christmas Day is the worst Out of the holidays, I’d pick any other first New Year or Valentine’s might make you sob At least you’re not competing with the son of God! And do you know what I find really galling? December twenty-fifth’s not His actual birthday We didn’t have Christmas ’til 400 A.D. It was just a Pagan festival, are you f**kin’ kidding me?! It’s my birthday at Christmas but my name’s not Jesus (No I’m not Him!) It’s my birthday at Christmas but my name is Dave (Oh you know my name!) You could say that I’m a trier but I’m not the new Messiah (Not the Messiah!) It’s my birthday at Christmas It’s my birthday at Christmas It’s my birthday at Christmas once again
8.
Dead of night in a quiet house And not a creature stirs Wait for the footfall up on the roof A creak upon the stairs Then suddenly all the kids awake To see what Santa brings Enough noise to make the whole house shake As Christmas Day begins So come on down with me And sit beside the Christmas tree While their little faces glow so happily ’Cause you and I we know The past is young but the future’s old So unwrap your present now with family Now there’s paper all around the house And strewn across the floor Find the sherry while the children shout Think we can take one more So come on down with me And sit beside the Christmas tree While we hold each other close so happily ’Cause you and I we know One day you’re young and the next you’re old So unwrap your presents now with family This is why we work all year Why we suffer life’s indignities All to see those beaming faces Sat beside the Christmas tree So come on down with me And sit beside the Christmas tree While their little faces glow so happily ’Cause you and I we know The past is young but the future’s old So unwrap your present now with family With family With family With family

about

Every year since 2012 (usually at the last rehearsal of each year) the Flags have written and recorded a Christmas song. Every song is collected here as a little present from us to you! Check out the individual single releases for B-sides, alternative versions and special mixes. A very Merry Christmas to everyone!

credits

released December 14, 2016

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The Ragged Flags are:
James Goodwin - vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards
Mark Aldworth - lead guitar, backing vocals
Chris Edwards-Dewey - bass, backing vocals
Paul Whibley - drums, bells & whistles

All songs by The Ragged Flags
Music by Aldworth/Edwards-Dewey/Goodwin/Whibley
Lyrics by Goodwin (©2012-2019 Copyright Control)

Produced & Mixed by The Ragged Flags

Sleeve Photography by Sam Whibley
Sleeve Design by James Goodwin

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The Ragged Flags UK

The Ragged Flags are a UK four-piece with their own distinctive sound incorporating the essential natural juices of rock, pop and folk with the lovely chunky bits of country and blues.

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